We all belong to some family system. Any family system is composed of relationship. So in order to know family system we must recognize the links between the individual members of that family. The variability within a family system is multi-directional. When a member is added to the family, as in the birth of a baby, or the addition of an in-low, it is not simply the addition of a member to the family. The family becomes a new individual with additional changes in family interactive outlines.
Family systems can be either closed or open. In closed systems, the limitations and connection ties are inflexible, whereas in open systems, the limitations and connection ties are flexible. Communication is usually plain and truthful in open systems and in closed systems they are unclear and imprecise.
Family system fails, not because of bad people, but often times because of bad principal rules. In every family there are manifested clear rules about finance, celebrations, education, emotion, vacation, sex, parenting, religion, politics, friends, etc. Members of the family have to be obliged to agree on the majority of the rules in turn for the family to successfully reach stability.
In turn for us to create happy and successful families we need to recognize the philosophy on which families are built. How are relationship formed? What do we look for in a partner? What are our goals? What are the shared values? What baggage must we let go of? What changes do we need to allow? What is our network? Who are our friends? What are our roles and responsibilities? How do we negotiate the boundaries of the relationship? What are the rules of parenting? How is the finance handled? How are the chores divided? How are vacations spent? What are the written and unwritten rules? How are in-lows treated?
The individual have to be prepared to give and receive love. Each individual have to be adult and keen to perform to the completion and achievement of the marriage. Love is choice.
Unresolved issues that may interfere with current relationship need to be discussed and negotiated. Each partner should enter the relationship being really separated, prepared and keen to be started on from the past systems (family of origin, past relationship, etc.). The ground rules should be negotiated before wedding. There should be no surprises after the wedding. Many people think that characteristics they do not admire before the wedding will change once they get married, this is not so. Carefully explore your partner. Talk to people who are being acquainted with him/her. Be keen to listen. Get to know the entire family. When you marry someone you marry into a system.